that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
