I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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