Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
