We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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