He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
