very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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