You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
