and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
