He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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