Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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