I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
