There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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