Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
