I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
