umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
