if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
