wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
