idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
