apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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