I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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