I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
