similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
