fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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