I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
