Porn is love you can see.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
