So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
