if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
