And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love accidental penises.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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