Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
