hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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