she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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