if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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