There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
