i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize