Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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