Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
