There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He shit in the fireplace
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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