I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
whose parrot is this?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
