Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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