yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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