I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
