Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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