Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
