I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
