I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
