I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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