:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
