Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
