my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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