My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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