The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
