I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize