Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
