btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
