Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
