The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
