I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
