How'd it feel making her break her religion?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize