Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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