I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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