Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
