I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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