I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
