you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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