don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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