i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
