never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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