feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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