i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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