Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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