sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
