The maid of honor just puked.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
