mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize