Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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