I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need water and some morals
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
