the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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