I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
