i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My feet surprised me
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