your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
