That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i think im in europe. pls send help
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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