I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
