I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it hurts more in the daytime
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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