I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
