So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
