I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
