found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
