You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
