is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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